


One more present than expected

by MordredLJselfship (mordredllewelynjones)



Series: Main self ship AU [5]
Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Birthday, Don't Like Don't Read, Established Relationship, Fluff, Just Harmless Fun, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Not Reader Insert, POV First Person, Polyamory, Self Insert, Self Ship, self indulgent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-08
Updated: 2018-11-08
Packaged: 2019-08-20 15:29:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16558370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mordredllewelynjones/pseuds/MordredLJselfship
Summary: A self ship fic about how Ed, Oswald and celebrated my birthday.Self insert not reader insert. If you don't like it then don't read or interact.No sex or rude stuff in this story.





	One more present than expected

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to @Princess-selfships on Tumblr for all the great ideas and help. Also thank you to everyone on the self ship writers discord server and the A03 writers Facebook group who helped me with riddles.  
> Apart from the last riddle, which is from the show Gotham, all the riddles in this fic are mine.

 

I choked on my water. "Closed?!" I gasped, sure that I had misheard. The Iceberg Lounge never closed, not even on Sundays. There was doubt that even the apocalypse could stop Oswald from doing business. However, as he confirmed a moment later, the club was indeed closed tomorrow night. Almost everyone, both patrons and staff, seemed as equally shocked by this as I was. Edward wide and knowing grin was a sharp contrast. "I take it you know what this is about" I said. He took a sip of his drink and said nothing, a smug superior glint in his eyes. I hated it when he did that. I've never been a fan of secrets.

  
Before I could interrogate him further, most likely a pointless endeavour anyway , Oswald joined us at the bar and I wasted no time in questioning him. After all, he was bound to give me a straight answer. I was to be disappointed, however. "I have some important business to attend to" he replied as he poured himself a glass of red wine. "Oh, I didn't know we had business. It must be important if we have to close for the night. Anything I can help with?" I asked. Oswald shook his head. "No. This a private matter. I'm sorry" he told me quietly, not quite meeting my eyes.

  
This response worried me to say the least. Oswald was usually so open with me. Even from the very beginning , long before we had started seeing each other, back when I was simply another one of his employees, I had been privy too many things which he had kept hidden from others. We trusted one another completely. Now, for him to suddenly be shutting me out, felt strange. I had not expected it at all and in all honesty I felt slightly hurt. I tried my best not to show it though. Whatever it was that he was dealing with must no doubt be weighing on his mind. The least I could do was to not add to his troubles.

  
"That's alright" I replied after a short pause "But if you need anything let me know, ok?" It was at this point that Ed, ever the eavesdropper, snorted with laughter. Oswald elbowed him painfully in the ribs and threw him irritable look as Edward reached for a napkin to mop up splash of mocktail that threatened to stain his emerald green suit. I raised an eyebrow as I surveyed the scene with growing suspicion.

  
I didn't like this one bit. Conspiring together was one thing. In fact there was little I liked better than when we were all working together, us three against the rest of the world. However, knowing that Oswald and Ed were sharing something without me was a different matter. I'm a distrustful person by nature, a fact that they are both aware of as it was a trait that they also shared, and although I knew it was probably nothing to concern myself with I just couldn't shake the feeling of unease which was quickly taking hold of me.

  
My emotions must have shown on my face as Oswald's cold expression softened as he turned to me, leaning forwards to plant a small kiss on my cheek. "Don't worry about it. Everything is fine" Oswald assured me kindly. Ed smiled at me sheepishly and grasped my hand in an apologetic sort of way as we left for home a short while later. For the moment at least, despite my burning curiosity, I decided to let the subject drop.

  
*********************************************************************************************************

  
The next morning the events of yesterday weren't exactly at the forefront of my mind. It was my birthday, you see. However, I woke up alone. A quick search of the house proved that both my boyfriends were no where in the vicinity. I couldn't help but feel slightly bitter. After all, I doubt anyone would be too chuffed about being 'abandoned' on their birthday with out so much as a good morning. I was soon distracted from my melodrama, however, by a large pile of presents which were sitting on top of the dining room table. So I hadn't been completely forgotten then. I opened the gifts and cards from my, admittedly small, family before turning my attention to a pile of parcels wrapped in expensive looking purple and black paper for which Oswald was obviously responsible.

  
Although I had deduced the giver of the gifts I was not prepared for what I found inside the wrappings. One of the gifts was a brand new suit, black silk tails with a glittering silver belt, tie and broach plus heeled boots to match. I ran my hand across the fabric appreciatively. Oswald always had impeccable taste when it came to clothes. Despite not having anywhere special to go I decided to wear it that day anyway. Besides, I was never one to worry about over dressing.

  
That wasn't all that I received from Penguin, though. I also received the largest box of chocolates I had ever seen, and which I promptly ate for breakfast, as well as fine selection of makeup. The highlight, however, was contained in the last package. On the surface it looked like an ordinary umbrella, gothic in style, black with a subtle yet intricate silver pattern. It contained a deadly secret. Oswald had clearly taken inspiration from my weaponized cane as inside the handle of the umbrella was hidden sword with a blade far superior to the one I already owned. Oswald must have had it made especially. I let out a quiet gasp. I held it up and let it catch the light, imagining all the dangerous adventures I would go on to face with it at my side. All the blood that would be spilt at its touch.

  
Having opened all of Oswald's gifts there was only one thing left and it didn't look exactly promising. There was no mistaking who the bright green envelope with a question mark on was from which was lucky as Ed had neglected to sign the missive inside. Instead of a birthday card, as is traditional, there was a riddle. Not that I should be surprised. What did surprise me though was the tiny key that was nestled in the corner of the envelope. I wondered what it was for.

  
'I'm dark and dusty, a cave of leather spines and yellowed pages. My treasures are not free to take but pay the right price and you'll gain 'wealth' beyond your former riches. What am I? '

  
I cocked my head to one side for a moment as I considered the words that Ed had scrawled down. The only thing that came to mind, after what I'll admit was quite a long time, was an old bookshop on the other side of town. Out of the many bookshops in Gotham it was the one that Ed and I frequented most. Although it was rather small and lacked the dependable array of books that you might find in one of the more larger stores it had a certain charm. It was quiet and usually relatively empty plus you never knew what you might find in there. Perhaps Ed was going to meet me there, I thought. Realising that the only way to know was to go and see, I went and got dressed before setting out on my birthday mission.

  
When I got there, however, I could find no trace of the tall, skinny green bean that is Edward Nygma. After waiting around for a while, double and triple checking the riddle in fear that I had missed something, I entered the shop on the off chance. I had birthday money from my family to spend after all so I might as well do some shopping. Not that I got the chance. As soon as I entered the shop the lady behind the counter, who knew me by sight well enough by now to know who I was, called me over. "Your boyfriend came by this morning" she told me, much to my surprise "He said for me to give you this." She handed over a small wooden box. One of many trinkets that the shop sold on the side. This one had obviously already been paid for, if a second bright green envelope was any indication. I thanked her then quickly left with Ed's present under my arm. I had the feeling that it would be best not to have an audience when I opened it.

  
It was lucky that I had trusted my instincts. The key that I had found in the envelope fitted the minute lock on the box perfectly and when I finally opened it I had to clap my hands over my mouth to quieten my shriek of surprise. Inside was the first edition of Shakespeare's sonnets. I had heard about the being stolen from the British Library a few weeks back and had been outraged by it. Ed had felt the same way or at least had seemed to. He had undoubtedly played his part well. The sneaky self satisfied smiles that had graced his features occasionally since then, plus his absence from Gotham on 'business' on the day of the manuscripts disappearance, was suddenly explained. I could barely believe it. That such a rare object was in my possession and that Edward had gone to so much trouble for me. I knew that really I should return it but deep down I knew I never would.

  
Eventually, once I had finally torn my eyes away from the incredible item that I held in my hands, I directed my attention to the second green envelope. Inside was yet another riddle.

  
'I'm a place to meet with friends, both sweet and savoury sustenance I can offer. The bitter taste of coffee fills the air whilst at my circular tables people relax as the hours go by. What am I?'

  
In my dazed state it took me longer to figure out that the first one. Had Ed been here he would no doubt have been groaning with frustration by now. Eventually though I figured it out. At least I thought I had. Stowing my new, and priceless, possession carefully in my bag I set off.

  
Having woken up rather later than usual it was fast approaching lunch time and it seemed the Edward had anticipated this as this next riddle lead me to my favourite café. It was one of Ed and I's most regular haunts. We'd stash ourselves away in a secluded corner and eat cakes, laughing and talking whilst we discreetly planned our next heist. However, it seemed that Edward was not destined to be my lunch date for today.

  
"I must say, you are looking quite the dapper fellow."

  
I blushed scarlet, stopping mid way through pushing open the café door and turning to smile at Oswald self consciously. I have never been very good at receiving compliments. "I have you to thank for that" I responded but he waved away my thanks for his gift. Oswald grinned back at me and although his presence was not something I had expected I was, as always, delighted to see him.

  
"So, you and Ed were planning something yesterday" I said, fixing him with an amused and knowing look from across the table once we had taken our seats a short while later. Oswald shrugged playfully. "Guilty" he replied and I was suddenly struck, as I often am, by just how cute he is. The rest of Gotham, Ed excluded, may be unable to see it but that is because they are as good as blind. They are as far as Penguin is concerned anyway.

  
"I'm also assuming that your plans don't end here" I ventured but my hopes of getting any clues as to what the rest of the day would include ended there. "Now, now. Ed has worked far too hard on all this for me to spoil it" Oswald reprimanded me kindly "You'll just have to see where this takes you."

  
He pulled a bright green envelope out his inside jacket pocket and handed it to me with a thinly veiled smirk. He was obviously enjoying this game which was unusual as his patience didn't usually stretch far enough to endure Edward's riddles for long. This just made me all the more curious and excited but then perhaps it was meant to. He was very talented when it came to manipulating people after all and he certainly knew me well enough to be able to push my buttons with ease if he so wished. Whatever it was that he and Ed had planned it was obviously something big. Resisting the urge to open the envelope immediately I slipped it into my bag for later. I wanted to make the most of Oswald's company.

  
Conversation turned away from unsolved mysteries and soon Ed's 'riddle trail' was practically forgotten as we became absorbed in our own closeness. Our hands laced together on top of the table as we talked and I spent my time admiring the sparling of Oswald's eyes as he stared at me in a way which made my heart melt. Eventually, though, the meal came to an end and it was time for us to leave. I asked Oswald if he would accompany me on my search for the answer to Edward's next riddle but he shook his head. It would ruin things, he said.

  
Perhaps my mild displeasure at this showed on my face because Oswald heaved a sigh and stepped closer. "It'll be worth it, I promise" he said softly as stroked my face gently with his hand. It was times like this when I wished he didn't always wear gloves outside. I wanted to be able to feel his touch properly. My wish was granted a moment later as Oswald leant forward and pressed his lips firmly against my own. I leant into the touch, grabbing hold of his tie in the somewhat possessive manner which he is used to, my eyes fluttering shut as I felt Oswald's other hand come to rest on my hip.

  
Eventually we both broke apart, slightly short of breath as we both swung our umbrellas over our shoulders in unison and smirked at each other. "I'll see you later?" I asked, already pretty sure of the answer. "Of course" Oswald replied "It's your birthday. I wouldn't dream of missing it." With that he turned and got into the car which had pulled up behind him and I watched him zoom away. Once he was out of sight I returned my attention to Ed's little game.

  
‘Inside my marble walls the dead are housed but none shall ever call me a crypt. I am a memorial to the past and a few short hours spent within me can leave your mind filled with the events of centuries. What am I?’

  
This one was very simple and I got it almost immediately. I couldn't help but smile as I set off down Gotham's grimy streets, making my way to one of the oldest and largest buildings in the city. Aside from town hall and the library, the museum was one of the few non-skyscraper buildings left in Gotham. Not including the run down hovels of the Narrows, of course. It's massive marble structure was one of my favourite buildings in the city but that was not the only reason why enjoyed going there. I am, and always have been, a big history geek and it was one of many things that Edward and I had in common. In fact, the museum was were we had had our first date.

  
That being the case, I expected Ed to be there when I arrived and was disappointed to find that that wasn't so. As much as I was enjoying this little mystery I was starting to miss Ed. I wanted to see him, talk to him, bury my face in his bright green suit jacket as he hugged me. Alas, I was alone. I never passed up an opportunity to visit the museum, however, plus I still had the next clue in the 'riddle trail' to find so I made my way inside and began to wander around. It seemed awfully quiet though without Ed's running fact filled commentary and despite the fact that I knew it all off by heart I missed it.

  
Before long, after strolling leisurely through rooms of paintings, stuffed animals, ships wheels and skeletons, I came to my favourite exhibit. Ever since I was a kid I had been interested in Ancient Egypt, in fact I had devoted many of my childhood years to studying it. For a while I had even toyed with the idea of becoming an Egyptologist when I grew up. Since then I had moved past that phase and settled in a joint career in performance and crime but the interest in this ancient civilisation lingered. Edward, obviously, knew this which was why the location of the next riddle was located in the Egyptology wing of the museum.

  
It was as I walked past the display of canopic jars and came to a halt in front of an ornate sarcophagus that I spotted it. The green envelope was mostly hidden behind the large stone coffin, only a tiny corner of it peeking out from its hiding place, and I almost missed it altogether. I glanced around surreptitiously to check whether it was safe to collect Ed's message. The only people in the vicinity were a mother and child who were busy on the interactive screens on the other side of the room. The coast was clear or as clear as it would ever be so I quickly hopped over the barrier to retrieve the envelope which I realised immediately was quite a bit bigger than the previous two.

  
The reason why was apparent when I glanced inside. I felt a grin spread across my face as I pulled out an LP and a signed photo. The album was 'Egypt Station', my favourite Paul McCartney album and the photo was one that Ed must have, somehow, gotten Paul to sign especially for me. I laughed quietly. Edward's choice of hiding place for this particular gift now made more sense. I wanted nothing more than to find Ed and Oswald and take them back to the manor with me so that we could listen to it on Ed's gramophone. However, it seemed that my 'scavenger hunt' was not yet over.

  
'My insides can be almost cavernous, my grimy brick walls and industrial metal trim far from pretty. I am a storage space for whatever you desire but will ultimately be abandoned over the course of time. What am I?'

  
Squeezing my latest birthday present into my bag, a difficult task as LPs are far from small, I set off. The museum was quite a distance from my next destination but despite that I elected to walk. As dangerous as the streets of Gotham were I had never been overly fond of taking taxis on my own. Besides, I doubted anyone would bother me and if they and if they did then I could always use my new umbrella.

  
Now, a warehouse in the middle of the Narrows might seem like an odd choice to someone who didn't know Ed and I but as much of a contrast as it might look like to the other destinations on the 'riddle trail' it was actually the perfect place. This squalid little corner of the city was the place where Edward and I had lade aside our jealousy and made the first steps towards the friendship which would ultimately develop into the relationship we found ourselves in now. Given Ed's obvious theme, places held a lot of sentimental value to the both of us, I had expected to find myself here at some point.

  
Yet still Edward refused to make a appearance. Disappointed but not surprised, as I had noticed yet another pattern in today’s events, I set about picking the lock of the warehouse door using a lock picking set that Edward had given to me a few months ago. Really, in Gotham you couldn't be a successful criminal without one.

  
The inside of the building was as dark and grimy as it had been the first time I had set foot there and the bright green envelope that Ed had left for me there stuck out like a sore thumb. I had become so adjusted with the set rhythm of today that what I found within it caught me completely off guard. No riddle! Had I reached the end of the game? My third present suggested that it might be so. I gasped in delight as I pulled out two small slips of paper. Tickets to see 'Phantom of the opera' at the theatre!

  
Noticing the time printed on the tickets I quickly checked my pocket watch and gasped once again, this time in alarm. It wasn't long until the show started and I was a long way from where I was meant to be. I would have to run, an activity I did not excel at and certainly didn't enjoy. Luckily though it seemed that Ed had, yet again, anticipated my situation as when I exited the warehouse I found a car outside waiting for me, driven by one of Penguin's most trusted henchmen. Saved from the prospect of unwanted exercise I settled myself in the back seat and watched as the city lights zoomed past the window, our destination growing steadily closer by the second.

  
When I got out of the car a short while later it was to find the street outside the theatre extremely crowded as everyone flocked towards the entrance, determined to get to their seats before the show started. Although I was by no means a fan of such large flocks of people it at least meant that I had got there in time which was all that mattered really.

  
"You made it" said a familiar voice behind me "Ed said that you would. Still, I couldn't help but worry."

  
Turning round to greet Oswald for the second time that day I found that my breath suddenly left me as I caught sight of him. He had changed from the suit that he had been wearing that morning into a black tuxedo teamed with a matching top hat and he looked gorgeous. I felt myself blush but if Oswald noticed then he gave no indication.

  
"Just the two of us then?" I asked, taking the arm that Oswald offered me as we made our way inside. He nodded and my heart sank ever so slightly. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing I like more than spending time with Oswald, I just wished that Ed was at our side. The three of us together. "You'll see him after the show" Oswald told me, somehow reading my mind "I did try to convince him to come along but you know what he is like once he sets his heart on something. Everything has to be just so." I nodded. That was certainly true. We shared a fond smile, thinking about the currently absent object of our joint affections as we took our seats and waited for the curtain to rise.

  
*******************************************************************************************

  
_"Anywhere you go, let me go to. Love me, that's all I ask of you."_

  
We both laughed happily, paying no attention to the people who stared at us as they walked past. Oswald paid the man at the stall before handing me a paper cup full of hot chocolate, grasping his own beverage in a white gloved hand whilst we continued on our way. I thanked Oswald and took a sip of my drink, grateful for the warmth it provided. It may only have been November but there was a slight chill in the air, especially during the evenings.

  
"What now?" I asked after a moments silence. I was half expecting Oswald to hand me another green envelope so that I could continue my 'quest' but he did not. "We are going to the club" he replied. I raised an eyebrow. "So that's why the Lounge was closed today" I said slyly. Penguin smirked. The heavens opened overhead and began to douse us in light drivel but this did not deter us. We simply opened our umbrellas and walked on, enjoying our time together. Despite how much I wanted to see Edward a part of me couldn't help but wish that this moment would never end. End it did, however, because we soon reached the, unusually quiet, Iceberg Lounge.

  
"Ed!"

  
I ran forwards and practically hurled myself at the tall man stood in the centre of the dancefloor of the otherwise abandoned club. Edward staggered slightly due to the force of the hug but laughed delightedly and returned the embrace with equal enthusiasm. I nuzzled into the bright green fabric of his suit, head resting against his warm chest as he buried his face in my hair. "Miss me?" he asked and I could practically hear the cocky smirk on his face.

  
I stepped back ever so slightly so that I could look him in the eyes properly. "You know I did. You made sure of it" I mock scolded him. I grabbed hold of his tie and pulled him down for a kiss. "But you're glad that I did though?" Ed asked, whispering against my lips. I nodded grudgingly before reaching up to run a hand through his hair. As much as I would have loved to have spent the day with Edward, his absence had served to make this moment all the more wonderful. That, of course, had been his plan all along and I had to admit that I liked the result.

  
"I got you these, by the way" Ed added, pushing his glasses back up his nose with a sheepish smile and producing a bouquet of flowers from behind his back. They were slightly crumpled from where the stems had obviously been tucked the waistband of his trousers but I didn't mind one bit. I was too busy trying to decipher their meaning. Both Edward and I were huge nerds when it came to Floriography, the language of flowers, which meant that no arrangement was without meaning and the one he had just given me was no exception. Bleeding heart for undying love, Oak leaf geranium for true friendship, Pink dianthus for pure affection and Clarkia which happened to have one of my favourite meanings, 'The variety of your conversation delights me.' "Thank you" I breathed quietly as I planted a firm kiss one his cheek and watch as his ears went a dull red.

  
"Come on, lets all have a drink" said Oswald cheerful who had already gone behind the bar in search of refreshments. Edward took me tenderly by the hand and lead me over to where Oswald was waiting for us. "A toast" Oswald cried importantly once we all had a drink in our hands "To Mordred. Gotham wouldn't be the same without you and we are infinitely blessed to have you at our side. May that never change." I stared at the floor bashfully and downed my mocktail as the clink of glasses rang through the air.

  
Yet, as nice as this all should be, an awkward silence fell soon after. One which none of us could ignore. I had never been good at interpreting these sorts of situations but it was as though there was something looming over head, some massive unsaid statement which saw fit to spoil the peace until it had been given the attention it felt it deserved. It was not a comfortable situation to say the least and in the end I had had enough.

  
Breaking apart from the other two I went and sat down on the edge of the stage with a sigh. It was strange. There was absolutely nothing wrong. Today had been a wonderful day, the best birthday ever, but for some reason all I could feel now was tense aura that seemed to radiate from my companions. Had something gone wrong? Perhaps their plans for today had gone awry and they were trying to hide their frustration from me in an attempt to preserve the good mood. If that was the case then they had unfortunately failed.

  
"Perhaps this whole surprise idea wasn't my best scheme" Ed admitted as he came over to me, looking downcast. "You can say that again" Oswald replied as he lowered himself down onto the edge of the stage carefully. I made to help him but he waved my hands away. It wasn't a comfortable position for him to be in given the state of his leg but it was clear from his face that he wasn't going to let that stop him. Ed and I both rolled our eyes at his self destructive stubbornness and despite the half hearted glare that he shot at the both of us the atmosphere in the room suddenly felt a lot more breathable and care free. Edward reached over and grasped my hands whilst Oswald wrapped an arm around my waist. I smiled, leaning into Oswald's touch as I squeezed Ed's hands back warmly.

  
"I can't be bought but can be stolen with one glance. I'm worthless to one but priceless to two. What am I?"

  
"Love."

  
Ed gazed at us both with an affectionate twinkle in his deep brown eyes as Oswald and I answered in unison. "Although obviously in our case it is equally priceless to three" he clarified needlessly before leaning across me to kiss Oswald lovingly. I felt my heart melt as I heard the contented hum they both gave at the others touch. Their love for each other always made me just as happy as their love for me.

  
"The point is that I would be lost without both of you" Edward continued, running a hand self consciously through his hair as he did so "and all that I know is that I would do anything to make sure that we never had to be without one another. What we have is very important to me and it would break my heart to lose it." At this point he stopped and stared at Oswald both pointedly and reproachfully. Despite how wonderful Ed's declaration of had been I couldn't help but furrow my brow slightly at this. I didn't get a chance to dwell on this brief confusing exchange, however, because Oswald chose that moment to speak.

  
"Life without someone you can trust, especially in Gotham, is hardly a life worth living and I spent so long without someone to share my world with. You have both made me the happiest man in the world with all the kindness you have shown me. You mean everything to me and I adore you both equally."

  
Nodding conspiratorially at one another, Ed and Oswald both turned to look exclusively at me whilst they simultaneously pulled something out of their trouser pockets. I watched breathlessly as they both opened the tiny ring box they each held revealing two rings, both made of black gold, one set with emeralds and the other with amethysts. I gasped, knowing what must be coming next but unable to believe it.

  
"Will you marry us?"

  
There was a moments silence as I let all this sink in and my heart soared. This was unreal. I knew that legally the marriage wouldn't be binding, even Gotham it was still illegal to have on spouse, but the fact Ed and Oswald wanted to promise themselves to me meant more to me than anything. The two proposed fiances in questions remain silent, giving me space to think whilst they awaited my reply with bated breath. Ed was biting his lip nervously and Oswald was trying and failing to disguise just how much his hands were shaking. After taking a deep breath I pulled the men I love into a huge hug and gave the only answer that made any sense.

  
"Yes."

 

                                                                                       The End.

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
